| OMG!!!!! 5 years!!!! We finally cross paths again. :) I was sooooooo nervous!!!! So I got a text from "John" a few days ago, telling me that he might be visiting this week. I was pretty shocked. My body actually froze for a second. We started talking again for a little more then a year and even then it wasn't often and we NEVER called. I got the call this morning at 7:30... "Hey sorry so last minute.. u got time to meet up for a bit" I was talking to _____<-- I forgot if I assigned the new boy a nickname... but anyways... I was talking to him last night until 3am... and couldnt' sleep until 4-5 ish.. omg i was dead tired... but I wasn't going to let the opportunity to reunite with John. I've been wonder what it would be like to see him.. to talk to him again.. Ding Dong* I opened the door. There he was.. OMG! I couldn't believe my eyes.. The boy that I love oh soo dearly many years ago.. He looks the same. We hit it off as if we haven't had a break in our friendship. I totally remember why I fell for this fool back in the days. It was great! oh man.. I have no words to describe how I felt at the moment. I was simply.. happy.. I was happy to see him. We caught up with stuff and shared our random life stories.. went for a quick bite.. picked up his girl (i was extremely excited to finally meet) She was super cool. If I wasn't so tired, I probably could've gotten to know her a little better.. but as of my first impression of her.. I approve :).. anyways... we later went back to my place.. then to the Games Area Sorry for rushing.. but honestly.. wasn't too important... I mean I had plenty of fun.. but not as important as what I found out. I didn't have that feeling for him anymore. I mean... I had so much fun just catching up.. chatting it up. breakfast/brunch date and everything... but naw.. I'm just glad to have him back as my friend. I felt extremely RELIEVED!!!! So many years of wondering, whether or not I still like this guy... I'm clear now. But honestly... I was just back and forth before I saw him.. I was pacing back and forth.. so many uncertainty of it all... but now. I'm good. I'm happy. :)!!! Lifted at last! |
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| so remember that guy I posted about a while back... well... He's still around.. He turned into a really good friend to me (or he always has been).. the question? Do I still like him? I honestly don't know. I mean.. We haven't had a break since I openly admit to him that I liked him. I don't feel that urge to want or need him.. I guess that's good. There's something about this guy that I enjoy having around tho.. I don't know what it is.. something different about this one. Of course, it can also be because he hasn't run away after knowing that I like him(which of course can also be a problem)... sigh.. MANY, mostly my girls.. is urging me to back off. I totally understand where everyone is coming from.. They just don't want me to fall back into that hole once again.. I will normally back off if my friends doesn't like the guy... but that's not the case.. They love him.. they just don't like that he's around me... and simply because they think that it's unhealthy for me to hang around someone that I like... but it's soooo hard to just pick up and leave... trust me, i tried.. Problem? It is not a stranger that I fell for.. it's an extremely close friend.. I don't want to be that beezy that trash a friendship just because he doesn't feel the same for me as i do towards him.. On top of that... Like I said before, I'm not totally sure that a relationship is what I want from this guy in the first place.. just good company Well... Christmas and New Years is just around the corner... He told me that he's going to look for a girlfriend next year.. More or less a sign for me to get the hell out of there.. I can't really measure how strong and how much I can hold things in.. but i definitely don't want to be around when that day comes.. besides.. it's probably easier for him to look for one without me around. So once again... I'm going to attempt my impossible. I guess it's an excuse for me to leave.. I'm leaving for his sake, whereas before.. I needed to leave for mine. I'm not giving up on this friendship.. just giving him a little more space. I want to tell someone about this... but the response I get is usually "Good, you should leave".. "He doesn't like you.. it's not worth it".. "He sucks".. Which is why I'm not really turning to anyone to talk about this.. He's still a great friend and I don't want anyone to think that he wronged me and/or that I'm upset by it.. because he didnt and I'm not... I really just wanted a simple... "Hey. I'm sorry it didn't work out." and maybe give me a hug :) Anyways.. I'm out. going to be late meeting my girls :) Thank goodness for Xanga :) x:kiddo out:x |
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| I finally decided to quit on this guy... waited way too long... and there were too many signs that i needed to pull out.. sooo now that I decided... I finally got the courage to ask him... And pretty much i was right... I got ZONED.. But it's ok.. especially when i decided already... but it still hurts when I actually got to hear it from him... So look like i got placed in the "Good friends".. pretty much one of those situation where I was there to help him through his break up.. LOL... i swear this happened before.. so i guess another story of my life.. put on repeat... It's ok tho... because of the "John" incident.. I learn to not go all in.. so it doesn't hurt too much ;) |
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| Nothing hurts more then waiting since I don’t even know what I’m waiting for anymore... |
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